"It's Not About The Nail!"

I have once seen a short film by Jason Headley called “It’s not about the nail”. The film is about this couple who have a gap in communication because of the difference between men and women or people in general. At the beginning of the film, the couple was sitting on the couch and we can see a nail on the woman’s forehead. The woman started to complain how her head always hurt and her fear that the pain will never stop. Then the man said, “Ya. Wha-you do have a nail in your head.” The woman got mad and told him, “It’s not about the nail. Stop trying to fix it.” However, the man continues on saying, “I am just pointing out that maybe the nail is causing the pain…” Then the woman snapped and said, “you always do this, all I need you to do is listen.” So finally, the man said fine, he will listen. The woman started to describe the pain and frustration of how she couldn’t sleep well at night and all her sweaters are snagged. The man said, “That sounds really hard.” And the woman felt so understood and relieved that she went in for a kiss, then the nail bump into the man’s forehead. The man said, “Oh come on! If you would just…” “Don’t!” The woman interrupted him.

In this funny little film that my counselor once showed me, I have learned how sometimes our problems is that we are so eager to fix than to listen. This problem might cause by the discomfort that the listener feels when the speaker describes his or her feelings. Then we immediately trying to suggest a solution in order to eliminate our discomfort that’s produced by other’s negative emotions.

We can also easily make the speaker feels invalidated by trying to fix the problem. Because everyone is different, though we can try to empathize with other’s feelings and thoughts, we may never be able to fully understand someone. Therefore, it’s important for us to listen and to empathize, not for the purpose of having the problem to go away, but rather, having the humanity for one another that we may connect and love.

It’s so easy, especially in marriage, to lose patience for one another. We simply think that we know the other well enough that we know what’s best for them. However, knowing how Christ always listens and empathize with us though he has perfect knowledge of everything we are going through and all our characteristic, he remains humble and a great example that we should strive to be.