Why Does People Have Affairs?

I have always been curious about the reasons people have affairs.

Some people think that it’s lust, some think that it’s just pure nastiness. However, there might be deeper reasons for why one might have affairs.

In one of the videos by “The School of Life”, it explained that the reason why people have affairs is a problem of closeness and distance. According to the video, people usually enter into relationships with a different level of closeness and distance. There’s always a partner that can be label as “cold” and another “clingy”. Though it’s great to have intimacy such as cuddle and hair stroking, there’s always a need to distance so we don’t feel like being “owned” by the other person. And usually, that’s how affairs happened when there’s an imbalance between closeness and distance.

Scenario one, within a relationship, one person feels a loss of identity and completely being dissolved the idea of “us”. Therefore, one might feel the need to know that they are socially desirable to the world, not just to their partner. Having an affair with someone else makes them feel safe and that they are still having an identity.

Scenario two, within a relationship, one person feels rejected by the other because of his/her clinginess. When they try to touch their partner, the other pull away or sign. When they try to talk to them about a personal matter, the other quickly change the topic. Sooner or later, one might feel ashamed or embarrassed because they want more than what they are getting. Therefore, they enter into an affair, not because they don’t love their partner, but the opposite. They want something else to prove that they are acceptable, loveable and that they are okay.

Either way, it can be resolved if we adjust the degree of closeness and distance between the relationship through communication and love. Communication is essential to an open and honest relationship.

However, Heavenly Father wants us to be faithful and loving. Any relationship has problems. Any relationship gets boring after a while. If one doesn’t feed their relationship, it’s like fire without the fuel, it slowly dies. Therefore, it’s important to go on romantic dinner dates, vacation, and create surprises and maintain the love for one another.

Someone once told me that life could be really boring until you make it fun. A relationship can be boring too after a while until you cherish it and help it grow.