Why You Should Marry Yourself

I have once read a Ted talk called “The Person You Really Need to Marry” by Tracy McMillan. Tracy is a three times divorcee. The reason she had three failed married, she said, “What that’s supposed to mean is that I’m a total failure at relationships. And that is one way to look at it, but not the only way.”

She continues, “Because what I think really happened is that I kept marrying the wrong person. No, it’s not that I didn’t — it’s not that I chose bad guys. My first two husbands were amazing men who are now married to wonderful women who aren’t me.” Her third husband cheated on her a few months into their marriage with a girl that’s 20 years younger than her. Then finally, she has realized that the person she needs to marry is, herself.

She talked about how she had a difficult childhood. She has been in two dozen different foster families since she’s three years old. Her dad was a drug dealer and a pimp. Her mom was a prostitute and an alcoholic. What she has learned is that she will never be left ever again. That’s why she got married.

However, she soon realized that the marriage with the first husband wasn’t what she wanted. Neither is the second. And definitely not the third. Finally, she realized that the void she has been trying to fill all her life will always be missing if she doesn’t marry herself.

The idea of marrying yourself, she said, it would be that you enter into a relationship with yourself and then you put a ring on it. In other words, you commit to yourself fully. And then you build a relationship with yourself to the point where you realize that you’re whole right now, that there is no man, woman, job, a circumstance that can happen to you that’s going to make you more whole because you already are. And this changes your life.”

And the vows you have with yourself when you’re getting married, are these three: first, “you are going to marry yourself for richer or for poorer. This means you are going to love yourself right where you are.” Second, “you are going to marry yourself for better or for worse. What this means is that most of us are willing to love ourselves for better.” Third, “you marry yourself in sickness and in health. So what this means is that you forgive yourself for your mistakes.” She said, “a mistake isn’t actually a failure unless you don’t learn from it and unless you don’t grow.” Lastly, “you marry yourself — when you marry yourself, it’s to have and to hold yourself.”

Until then, you will be fulfilled, not by a marriage, not by jobs, but by yourself.